My son (6) was another story. He came home after the first day and said he did not want to go back anymore. When I asked him why, he said: “I did not have fun”. Well, being the father I am, I did not think that his answer made any sense, but than again I did not want to force him to go. I decided I will ask him a series of questions until I get to the bottom of things and if I can reach that point, I might be able to find a solution.

I started asking what he did and he replied that they jumped on some moonwalks, ate, played soccer and goofed around. I asked him if other activities would make him feel better and he said no. I continued to ask him to explain what he did during each activity. I was afraid that he might have been left out and felt ashamed. But no, he joined all the activities and played with other kids. “Did some one hit you?’ I asked, thinking may be this is the reason. “No”. “Did the guide hurt you in any way”, I continued. “No”. “Did you like the food?” the answer was “Yes”. “Did you like the moonwalks?”, “Yes”, he answered. “Did you like playing with the new friends”, “I do not have many but yes, I did”. I was puzzled. I was running out of questions and still everything seemed to be normal. “Did you enjoy playing soccer?” I asked. “Yes”, he answered, “but I did not play much.” Bingo! I was sensing I was on to something. “What do you mean?” His answer surprised me “I was not able to kick the ball too many times”. Now I solved the puzzle. At school he is considered one of the best players, and here he has to compete with older kids who know each other but do not know him. That’s why he does not want to go back. He put it very nicely – he does not have fun. It was nap time and I was already planning my solution.

When he woke up I set him down and told him: “You see, now I understand that you do not have fun because you do not kick the ball enough, so guess what? I got a ball for you to bring tomorrow and play with your friends. This way you can kick as much as you want”. His eyes lit up. He was happy not only about the ball but also about the fact that his dad understood and listened to him and above all solved his problems.

From that day on we never had a problem with him. He loves to go to the activity center and play with the other kids and already made some new friends.

I picked up my son from a friend and brought him back home. I showed him the book and told him if he knows what it is. He told me he did and wanted to have a look. Since in our house, the kids watch on average 1 hour of TV every 2 weeks, they are always engaged in other activities to fill their time and so he started looking into the different chapters in the book. Before too long, he was all excited to solve the math problems and I left him there to do his thing. After about 30 minutes he decided he had enough and went to his room. I bought him a Nintendo DSI recently which he loves, but also knows he can not play with no more than 30 minutes a day. He went upstairs, played a little, and to my very surprise, after about 10 minutes he came back down telling me he played enough for the day and wanted to go back to the math book. For the next hour or so and during dinner, he was solving problems and enjoying (yes, I mean it, enjoying) practicing his math.

It is not the first time I witness my kids relaxed, calmed and patient. They can sit with us and learn something new not for only several minutes but half an hour to an hour easily without fidgeting, screaming or yelling. Just enjoying the time spent with their mom and dad. For me it is a proof that the less exposure to TV and video games a kid has and the more time a kid has with his parents, all of those ADD\ADHD symptoms are just gone away. The calming and relaxing atmosphere, changes their behavior as well.

We went over the list. The first one showed a triangular yellowish sign with a flame on it.  I asked my boy what he thought the sign was all about he told me it is fire. I confirmed and told him it is a sign for flammable or hot objects. The next one was the same shape but with an lightning rod sign on it. He immediately jumped up and said to be careful of lightening and thunders. Good call, but not accurate. So I had to explain that this sign was electricity.

The next sign was again the same shape, but had a skull and bones on it. It was a danger poison sign and as an adult it was so obvious when I saw it. However, my son’s reply caused me to laugh so hard that I almost peed in my pants. Understanding that these shapes of signs show some kind of a warning, he said without hesitation: “This is a sign for pirates”. I could understand his logic. His pirate book has the same symbol.

After a good and long laugh I explained that this sign is also a danger poison sign.

I know my girl and I know that she will not start a fight and decided to ask for her version of the story. What I got was slightly different than the note. She said that the other girl wanted a toy from her and when my girl did not give it to her, she reverted to force, and pushed her. My sweet daughter, who has been trained to face such situations, did not hesitate and pushed her friend ack, hence the note we got from the teacher.

You might ask yourself, how do you know that your girl did not lie to you? The short answer is, I just know it and will gladly explain how in another post.  In this instance, I know that she was not the initiator and that she acted exactly as anticipated. My girl knew it as well and was waiting to see what I would say.

The first thing out of my mouth was: “Give me hi-five. I am very proud of you. You did exactly what you should be doing”. She was pleased. She knew she followed my instructions and true to my words when I told her what to do I also told her she will not be punished in such situations.

The whole incident was soon forgotten, but my girl proved to me once again that I can trust my kids to act the way I think they should even if I am not there and defend themselves against bullies.

Today I was taking the kids out to eat at our favorite salad bar restaurant where they serve raw vegetables, soups, whole wheat bread, cheese, fruits and some ice cream. The ice cream is a treat for the kids, because we also limit sugar intake in the house (which means, candies, cookies and ice cream). On the way to the restaurant, my son asked me if I knew what his favorite place to dine was. I thought about it and decided to test something. I said:. “Is it McDonalds?” I wish I could fully describe the look of surprise on his face. “McDo.. what?” he said. “McDonald’s, you know, where you go eat”. He again looked at me surprised. “Don’t know what you are talking about” he replied. “My favorite place is the Sweet Tomato”.

I could not hide my satisfaction. He is almost 6 years old and never eaten in a fast food chain of any kind; he does not even know their names, the menus or their mascots. I feel that I have prepared him well for a life of healthy eating and no (or very little junk food).

- expose the kid to as much TV as possible. In fact, make sure you equip his room with a TV set so that he can watch it even before he goes to sleep

- do not limit the content on his TV, let him watch inappropriate programs, flood him with commercials unsuitable for him and let him be exposed to as much violence as possible

- buy him a video game console and make sure that in the time he does not watch TV, he plays with that system. Make sure that he is exposed to violent games and extra sexual content

- buy him a handheld video game so that he can continue with his games in the car, waiting at the doctor’s office or at the dinner table

- make sure you invest as little time with him as possible. Send him to his room to play with his games and watch his TV whenever available

- let your child determine what he eats and at what times. Feed him with sodas, fast food and cookies. Do not insist on healthy foods such as vegetables or fruits.

- make sure he does not participate in too much physical activity. Let him become a couch potato and remain as passive as possible

Of course, if you do not want to raise such a child, I suggest you avoid all of these altogether.

The first question I get is how or what triggered this approach to begin with. It all started when my son was 1 year old and started going to day care. Soon after, the diseases came home with him as well. It seemed that every 2 weeks he came home with something else. If it was not ear infection, it was strep throat, if it was not strep throat it was a tummy ache, if it was not the tummy ache than it was a runny nose with fever. It seemed endless and with every incident, he spent a day with me recovering from his illness.

As a very new and concerned parent, my initial instinct was to immediately run to the medicine cabinet and dispense what ever drug was recommended for the occasion. As time went by, it seemed to me as if this cycle of illnesses and medications never ends, and so I had a brain storm session with myself to figure out what was happening on here. After some arguments with myself, myself suggested that giving medications to my kid does not challenge his immune system and with time it became inefficient and more reliant on the drugs. Myself suggested that I stopped giving my boy the meds. I agreed with the concept but not with the conclusion and then myself suggested Placebo.

I went through the cycle of several illnesses, but within 2 or 3 of them, I have noticed that the frequency is going down and the time between incidents is longer. With time, I realized that my son is never sick.

In my opinion, the Placebo helps build a strong and more efficient immune system. When my girl was 1 year old and started going to day care, she did not get any meds, but went straight with Placebo therapy. She did not even go through the 6 months period I had with my son. Within 2-3 incidents and Placebo treatment I saw the change. She was no longer sick.

To this day, my kids are just not sick and even if they get something, it usually does not bother them to the point that they even develop a fever of have to stay home and rest.

If your kids scream, yell and throw food on the floor at a restaurant, do not tell that they experiment with freedom, they are simply brats who are out of control; if your kids through tantrums in the middle of the store, don’t tell me that this is how they show their independency; if your kids can not sit still for a minute, don’t tell me that they explore their surrounding.

I am writing so patiently about this issue because of an incident I had yesterday at my kids’ swim class. Next to me sat a kid and his mom. The kid was 6 and he and his brother, about 4, were taking swimming classes with my kids. The younger one was in the pool and the older one was waiting for his class. I wish I could say that the old one was sitting and waiting, but he did not. He was agitated and irritated to the point  that he could not sit still for a second. But what surprised me the most was his mom’s reaction. She is one of those moms who think her boy is special and does not need to be disciplined. Instead of using some strong words or actions, she politely asked him again and again to sit down calmly. When he did not (and why would he), she asked again, very politely, if he could sit still for 5 minutes. Needless to say nothing worked.

I wanted to tell this mom that her child is not special and she needs to take things in perspective and use some more affective techniques.

It reminded me of an excerpt I read online by Jack Cafferty from CCN. He writes in his book “Now or Never: Getting Down to the Business of Saving Our American Dream” this true words:” Some parents still have this attitude that their kids are too special to be burdened by discipline. And the rest of us are supposed to put up with their little mutants. That attitude really pisses me off. I hate to break it to them, but the kids aren’t special, and I don’t have to put up with their behavior. If you can’t control your obnoxious little brats, leave them home.”

I could not have said it better.

It has been almost a week since that conversation in the car and no other events have been reported. I have managed to teach my son and girl how to defend themselves and not let be bullied by others.